April 2001

Dear Dale: Help! I'm falling in love with my boss! He's everything I want in a lifetime companion. Except I can't figure out if he's gay. He was once married. But now he's divorced. His business includes gay-related materials that we sell (and he does all the buying!). He has no visible female company in his life, and seems to like me. But I've never mentioned my orientation. I don't want to blow it, let alone lose my job. Because I'm falling for him, I go the extra distance to look my best and be an ideal employee. I feel like the situation's just barely under control. Please give me some insight into the matter. - Falling For My Boss

Dear Falling: Sometimes it takes a jolt like falling for your boss to remind you how fundamental companionship is to happiness. But positive intentfulness is the most important part of matchmaking. In other words, the best scenario is one where you intentfully and openly map out your mission and process in advance. Part of that process will include picking candidates who are single, gay and emotionally available.

Act constructively using your powerful emotions to fuel a transition that opens up your search to include more than just one candidate. Write down all the qualities you love in your boss. Include those he does not possess, but you would prefer he did. Strategically, politely, let it become known among all -- including your boss -- that you are gay and actively seeking a companion. Recite the qualities you would like your partner to have. Also consider placing a personal ad, attending relationship workshops, and showing up at social functions where prospects may be present.

If your boss happens to be interested, he will get the message that the time to act is now. But your mission lives on regardless any particular candidate's participation. Positive intentfulness, and the action that it propels, is the surest strategy to fill your mission.

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