April 2008

Dear Dale: My boyfriend and I broke up over the holidays because after a full year dating he still did not introduce me to his family. He really is not out like I am; I introduced him to my family. He also came to my company holiday party with me. But my issue only indirectly involves my ex. Luckily, or maybe not, I have already met another man. My fear is that I may be on the rebound. So I don’t want to pursue this relationship if the time is wrong. I do have some unresolved feelings for my ex. But this new guy, who is completely out, feels right for me.   He has invited me to Europe in July. Should I go? --Daniel

Dear Daniel: Consider enlisting some transitional help from a therapist. A therapist's opinion may differ from mine, and it’s healthy to choose among different opinions to mix your own unique formula for success.

A decade ago when I began my matchmaking practice I used to require entrants into my program to have been out of any prior relationships for at least one year. Due to my then inexperience, rules helped me feel safe. But over years of practice I have discovered that no one rule fits all individuals because people are so very different. Now I give each candidate individual consideration that does not include hard and fast rules other than that they 1) are single, and 2) want a loving, stable, lifetime, monogamous companion. Note that my match rate today is five times higher than it was when I had the one-year-being-single rule.

How does this relate to you? My advice is to go for it. You can both put your body through the motions of dating and analyze issues as you go. I know this formula works because I have used it to bring together lots of couples that live together today. No doubt these unresolved feelings for your ex will rise to the surface quicker while you’re dating. Do not use your new boyfriend as a sounding board to help resolve transitional issues. Use your therapist, matchmaker, friends and family as the support system that helps process yesterday's baggage. Create healthy, fun, fulfilling memories with your new boy, including the upcoming trip to Europe.

<< Back To Advice Page