February 2001

Dear Dale: I have been in a relationship with this wonderful guy for almost two years. Here's the problem. I love looking at pornography. He knows that I have these items. He is not aware however of my viewing frequency which is almost everyday. He might not exactly be Mr. GQ but he is one of the sweetest and most caring guys I've ever known. The sex is great; however, after I climax I don't even want to be touched. But, when I use pornography, I can climax multiple times. I love him very much however, and don't want my "addiction" to hurt our relationship, both emotionally and physically. Help! - Anonymous via e-mail

Dear Anonymous: Besides sex, what do the two of you share that brings you closer together. Show an interest in each other's welfare, aspirations and hobbies. Over time, as the importance of your partner's companionship grows, your "addiction" will shrink relative to it.

I would also strongly suggest you enroll in therapy. A good therapist will help you work through the myriad issues that gay people face relative to our fear of revealing our true selves during our younger years and beyond. As your pain subsides, you will become more available to your partner in every way. And there is no better enhancement to an intimate relationship than understanding yourself.

I would guess the reason you don't like to be touched by your partner after you climax has something to do with feeling unworthy of love after having sex. Society has engineered this scenario to prevent our happiness and degrade our love. What more represents society's evil depiction of homosexuality than the sex act itself? In my experience, self worth rises quickly once you start having feelings like, "He might not exactly be Mr. GQ but he is one of the sweetest and most caring guys I've ever known." So you're already moving in the right direction. Build momentum.

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