February 2002

Dear Dale,
Since June of last summer, I met and have fallen in love with a guy who says he is bi-sexual. We met the weekend of Memorial Day Holiday. He's gorgeous... and 20 years old... I am now 39!

Since our meeting, he visited me several times during the month of June. My affection grew for him and I eventually gave him a key to my apartment. At the end of July, he disappeared for 3+ months (from July 26th - Nov 15th). He told me he has a girlfriend, was reluctant to give me his phone number and he wouldn't tell me where he lived (except for the name of the city). Then, on the morning of Nov 16th, I come home to find him waiting for me.

I realized many months ago that I had fallen for this guy and HE even sensed that I wanted more from him... and he keeps coming back.

I would love for him to feel the same for me and we could then live happily ever after... it could happen!

Hoping you can help! -Anonymous in San Jose

Dear Anonymous,
I recommend that you seek out your life-partner more consciously. Nothing holds greater power than an honest, clear vision of where you want to end up. Rather than becoming overly influenced by immediate distractions, visualize the life you want to show up for day-by-day for the rest of your life. Fix your behavior on that vision. Besides helping yourself, employing this philosophy attracts healthy partners too. Whether your current friend remains in your life, you have the power to fulfill your vision of happiness.

Dear Dale: I had to let it sink in for a couple of weeks that in your January 2001 column you actually weighed in on the side of not coming out, as if that's what a healthy, adult, gay person should do. This is the first time I've picked up OutNow in San Francisco, and I don't think your column is going to be too popular in The City. Do you dress in Dr. Laura drag, Dale? G.W. via e-mail from San Francisco

Dear G.W.: Put things into context. I believe it's healthy to be genuine. As a matter of fact, I'd say I'm about as out as a person gets. But one can't simply sum up the worth of an individual - or determine whether they would make a good life-partner - based solely on whether they are perfectly out.

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