January 2007

Dear Readers:

You always inspire me. You came into my life when my matchmaking practice was new, led me deeper into my mission, and helped me find a place in my life that I enjoy. I don’t remember thanking you enough for your inquiries. I am truly grateful.

Nine years make a pretty good stint. Our first few flew by sparring over monogamous versus open relationships. I went up on my soapbox for monogamy. You went up on yours either for or against it. And we landed somewhere in the middle, supporting free choice so long as good intentions and honesty guide.

Next we grappled with how to integrate a partner into our lives, and negotiate through homophobic situations. So I came up with models that classify people into categories by identity phase or personality type. And together we walked through, around, or away from, both bigoted people and negative situations. Whether in agreement or not, we always respected each other’s ideas.

If I could deduce nine years as a relationship columnist into one collective consideration for all us LGBT individuals, it is that choice is thick as blood. This message begins in our homes with our companions, spreads among friends we hold dear, and creates a community that we feel a part of or not. I know hundreds of couples and friends who make their chosen families equal to their genetic ones. And so we grow together rather than apart. We become secure rather than insecure. We love, commit, and do good estate planning. Choice is thick as blood; this is how LGBT families thrive.

A second deduction I offer, based on thousands of inquiries, is that good and clear intentions guide, protect, and nurture our top priorities. So long as one intends both well and clearly, then mistakes made along the way become lessons toward a greater good. And this, I believe, saves us. We humans make mistakes all the time. I, in particular, become an animal when I perceive a threat to people I love. I also become fierce when anyone attempts entry into my matchmaking territory. But, no matter how threatened or betrayed I feel, and regardless how I react in the moment, good and clear intentions quickly refocus my energies onto my first priorities—growing my relationship with my partner, being a better friend, matching my clients right, and living a quality life.

Now I complete my term as a guest columnist for ON, and will be moving on to rewarding opportunities in my matchmaking practice.  Watch my website for exciting news in the first quarter of next year. Also, I will continue to respond to your inquiries via my website. So you always know where to find me.

I am deeply grateful to my friends, prior ON publishers Jim Boin and Mark Gillard, and to you, my readers. Loyal readers like you and I make ON one of the Bay Area’s fastest growing gay publications. I am proud to have been a small part of their team, and feel lucky to have exchanged ideas with you.

Love,

Dale

<< Back To Advice Page