July 2001

Dear Dale: I am a bisexual man, age 26. I am a virgin, so I guess my orientation is really untested. I like the company of women, but have never fallen in love with one. On the other hand, I have fallen for three men, all of them straight. The man I currently have a romantic interest in has a girlfriend. But he knows of my attraction to him, and does not push me away emotionally. What I am wondering is whether I should follow my heart or head with regard to love, Dale. Thus far I have followed my heart. But it doesn't seem to get me anywhere. Yet I just can't just pretend to love someone. Either it's there. Or it isn't. Any good advice? Will in San Carlos via e-mail

Dear Will: Stories like yours have coined the old saying, "You can't help who you fall in love with." Naivete such as yours only works for the few, rare individuals who luck out. And I truly hope you do. Maybe the next person you fall in love with will, by chance, possess all the attributes that contribute to a lifetime of happiness together. However, unfortunately, your chances of this happening are quite remote. Therefore, I'd advise you employ another approach.

Open doors using your ability to reason. Walk through them using your heart.

In other words, pre-screen candidates to whom you are initially attracted. When you feel attracted to someone, find out right away whether they are otherwise committed or unavailable. If they are, do not stick around to prolong your disappointment. Move on. Finding the right person is the first step. Once you do, then you can let your heart run wild without risking harm.

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