July 2002

Dear Dale: I live with a woman I really love. We've been through several crises together, including her ovarian cancer and my breast cancer. I have recently been spending more time with my partner's best friend, and she - the friend - sensuously touched my breast last Saturday while we were waiting for my partner to get back home from the grocery store. The worst part is that I felt physically aroused, but didn't do anything. I just kept setting the table for dinner. We didn't discuss it nor do anything else. Why isn't life easier? God help me! Any ideas on strengthening my resolve? Innocence Lost in San Jose

Dear Innocence [Found]: You have a vision of the life you want, which prevails over momentary distractions. Perhaps the most important lesson in life is how to honor commitments while also finding personal happiness.

What alternative impulses align with your commitments . . . would your partner enjoy a special new locket, bracelet or ring to refresh your mutual commitment? When is the last time you cooked dinner for your partner or told her that you love her? What is the best way, preferably without hurting anyone, to prevent your partner's best friend from making another move? How you behave describes your love for your partner better than any other measure. You make the choices and reap the rewards or consequences.

Dear Dale: Why don't you spend more time writing on topics like AIDS and politics. You seem to have this one-track mind about love and monogamy. Just photocopy your first column, and use it over and over again every month. Xavier via email from San Ramon

Dear Xavier: I'm a matchmaker, and not a physician or politician. Visit the library, surf the Internet, or find the topic-specific venues that excite your interests. Why spend time reading my column, then take more time critiquing it, if you are disinterested?

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