July 2007

Dear Dale: Eleven months ago I met a gal who makes me quiver. She approached me after a softball game I pitched, and said “I just love a woman in a uniform.” Gargantuan charisma.

The problem is she makes up stories. She tells me she used to be a ballerina. Then she tells me she wasn’t. She says she owns a house in Texas. But later I ask how big her yard is, and she says she doesn’t really own a house there, but sometimes wishes she did.

In every other way she’s great. Close to family. Beautiful. Way successful in her profession. My friends love her. What the hell should I do, Dale? This makes me damn mad because I am in love. But I don’t know how to put up with these fantasies. Any guidance appreciated. –Rebecca, Reno NV

Dear Rebecca: Charismatic personalities exaggerate or tell stories sometimes. There are storytellers who are otherwise trustworthy and kind. And there are literal people--completely factual--who are otherwise mean and disloyal. Of course, so can the opposite be true that literal people can be nice, and charismatic ones not.

You might consider talking with your girlfriend to reinforce that you prefer she point out when she is fantasizing as opposed to being factual. However, personalities don’t change easily if at all.

Love challenges us to accept both our partner’s strengths and weaknesses. In my matchmaking practice I do not see any correlation between charismatic personalities and the breakdown of trust in long-term couples. So long as her stories reflect dreams that do not directly impact your commitment to each other, and they do not affect her (or your) ability to embrace and enjoy life, then you may have no cause for concern.

Only you and your partner can choose whether to continue your relationship. And this matchmaker accepts and supports whatever your heart feels right.

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