June 2001

Dear Dale: I am in my late 30s. Survival issues are taken care of now. So I'm beginning to pursue the "marriage" thing. My first attempt was a tragedy. My ex just threw in the towel, and won't give any explanation. Should I make some preparations before I try again? What are the things you see that people need to find the right life-partner? I could use a little help. Dean from Emeryville via e-mail

Dear Dean: I have witnessed consistencies among those who find the right partners, including: INTEGRITY. They have learned to live up to their commitments. VISION. Their vision for their remaining lifetime includes a partner. ACHIEVEMENT. They are guided by values that build achievement. FORGIVENESS. They forgive themselves and others for any disappointments along the way. EVALUATION. They evaluate all the known ways of finding and keeping the right companion. ACTION. They employ what they learn. CONSISTENCY. They keep trying.

Dear Dale: My gut tells me my current boyfriend is "the one." We get along amazingly well considering we are completely different in one major way. I am a self-confessed slob. He is a compulsive, fastidious organizer. I've got my strengths too. I'm good with money. I can build anything with my hands. And I can always make him laugh. But sometimes I feel I got the better end of the bargain. Miraculously, our living space is always clean and organized. Do you think it's true that opposites attract? Or does this theory just enable co-dependent relationships? One Carpenter in Saratoga via e-mail

Dear One: Sometimes opposites attract. Sometimes like-minds do. And the alternative mixes are countless. Learn the steps to your own unique, complementary dance. Choose to be happy together.

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