March 2003

Dear Dale: My friends have been critical of me because I’m attracted to a woman who has an 18-month-old child, and is still a student at age 29. My friends just won’t let up because they say I am going down the road to self-destruction by giving my feelings over to my girlfriend and her baby, who will do nothing but "drain" my resources. I feel confused because I have been involved with this group of "friends" for over five years, and I would miss them terribly. But I really love this woman and her child. Please weigh in, Dale. – Marlene via e-mail from Aptos

Dear Marlene: Rejoice in these deep feelings of care for your girlfriend and her child for they access your capacity for love. Understanding and employing the process that leads to love is an achievement beyond all others. This process is undermined by those who strive for what is merely material, missed by those who seek what is only outwardly beautiful, and overlooked by those who lust after what is just temporarily pleasurable. Comprehending love’s value subordinates all other aspects of life to it. Choose to build your happiness from your home outward, and not from your friends inward. True friends – though they may become judgmental occasionally, as do we all make mistakes – shall not abandon you regardless whether you and your girlfriend remain involved. Be the action that seeks love and compassion, not the reaction that bends to judgment and cynicism.

Dear Dale: I have a neighbor who is obviously gay. He always seems to be alone, and lives quietly, which I like. We smile at each other. But he seems as shy as I am. My quandary is how to approach him. We’ve developed this pattern of casual acknowledgement that I find hard to break. – Edward via e-mail from San Jose

Dear Edward: I have just e-mailed you my favorite recipe for chocolate chip cookies. Bake a batch and deliver them to him, or leave them on his doorstep. Enclose a note that lists several movies you would like to see, and ask him if he’d like to join you. Be sure to leave your telephone number. You could go out for a cup of coffee after the movie, and begin a friendship. If he does not respond, resent him not but remain friendly. Grow the inner-strength that rises from taking action to further love regardless whether any one candidate responds favorably. If not immediately, one day your inner-strength shall prevail.

Dear Dale: I am a practicing physician, and have read your column off and on for a number of years. I recently requested one of your brochures, and I was looking forward to using your matchmaking program to find my next wife. When I got news of you’re your high fee I was outraged. OutNow! should be ashamed of promoting you as a public service. – Stella via e-mail from Palo Alto

Dear Stella: If you do not place a high value on a life-partner, then it is a small and easy part of my job to protect my clients from you. My response is simple logic, and intends no offense. Please address your concerns regarding the views of OutNow! to Mark Gillard, its publisher at outnowmag.com.

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