May 2008

Dear Dale: I am 57 years old. During my late teens and twenties I went to an Ivy League university back east. During my thirties and forties I built my career, and began accruing assets. In the decade of my 40s, I built my dream home, and got two dogs, the last of which I lost to old age last March.

The first time I read your column, I thought it was a ridiculous idea that two gay men should commit to a monogamous, lifelong relationship. I thought you were just trying to make a deceitful buck by preying on people’s loneliness. I only read your column to determine how you would "sucker in" unsuspecting gays who had no knowledge of how a gay person really works: Get what I can for myself now.

Last month I attended a social engagement, which turned out to be in the home of one of your couples. I didn’t ever expect to witness that kind of love and commitment between two gay men. When I asked how they had met, and they told me it was through Bonds Limited, I continued to ask questions, expecting to hear how they hooked up in spite of your cunning salesmanship. To the contrary, I heard only good things, and one of the gentlemen told me my comments were "jaded and untrue." Your couple also told me you have more than one hundred other couples that live together now.

I apologize, Dale. I have corroborated every letter that argues against your program. But I now look at my life, with my BMW, big house, and financial security, and wonder how I could have missed the most important part of life. I wonder how I could have placed everything else above love, and created only emptiness.

Because I have recently been diagnosed with a serious blood disease – not HIV – I can probably never pursue a relationship at this point. But, I want your readers to know, from the perspective of one whose life may nearly over, that I regret how my values have been prioritized wrong. Should others get lost in ego and conspicuous consumption, I suggest they rethink their lives. When the time comes, and it will for everyone, I hope they will have invested in what is really important, and not acquire what is only material.

I would give up everything to have someone hold my hand and say the words, "I love you, and am committed to you." – Marcus

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