November 2002

Dear Dale: I met my girlfriend two months ago at a Melissa Ethridge concert. We moved fast. We live together. Recently her mood swings scare me. She scolds me when I show public affection, and it just drives me crazy. My best friend tells me I intentionally pick unavailable women. Maybe my weakness is that physical beauty is important to me, and that unavailable women are prettier. Do you think I’m on to something, Dale? Are all attractive women unavailable? Also, the money always comes out of my wallet, and I just keep spending. I’m embarrassed to tell you I’m not joking. And this one’s about to cost me big-time! I still feel like I love this woman, Dale. I don’t think I want her out of my life. Am I some kind of masochist? – Celina, Mountain View – via e-mail

Dear Celina: It may seem superficial for me to say that your solution begins now. But it is deeply true. Begin anew as if the slate were clean. In the moment that your new friend says or implies, "Don’t touch me in public," say, "There is no reason for us to feel ashamed. Let’s work this out." If you two can discuss the issue, then that’s a beginning.

When she is not in one of her moods, ask your new friend what you can do for her when she has a mood swing? She may be candid, and then you two can begin to work through the issue. Some people are just moody, and need alone-time once in a while. In most cases, moods subside after some romantic time together and disappear after a good night’s rest.

Develop a financial plan together that manages cash flows and savings to prevent you from spending more money than needed to fulfill your needs. Differences regarding the handling of money can only be successfully worked through by two people who truly love each other. But it can be done well.

Your query whether all attractive women are unavailable is partly in jest, I know. But you are also partly serious. So let me just unequivocally answer, "No." In my October "Advice" I cover availability in greater detail.

All the above advice taken to heart, I daresay that a number of issues have arisen very early in your relationship. Another option you might consider is for her to find other accommodations, and you could date each other for a period of three to six months without entering a commitment to exclusivity. This would give you two plenty of time to bond without crowding each other.

Self-creation is done by making choices that are uniquely your own, Celina. Be grateful for your options. And make the highest choices that create the greatest vision you have of yourself.

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