November 2005

Dear Dale: I picked up Out Now at the Watergarden in San Jose in 1999. At that time I was still married and not out. But I follow you at www.outnowmag.com. I came out a few years ago, divorced my wife, and moved into my current partner’s home. By pseudonym I will refer to him as Michael.

Shortly after Michael and I began cohabiting his employer went bankrupt. Michael then started working for me as sales manager. True, he entered his professional position partly because I own the company. But Michael, if anything, is over-qualified for the responsibility he executes, and our sales have steadily increased as a direct result of his connections and hard work.

Mine is not a problem between Michael and me, but one my employees (particularly one) and ex-wife manufactured. One high-level operations manager is a close friend of my ex wife’s. Another is a member of the conservative Christian church that I used to attend. My ex-wife and 15-year-old son are still members there. My son spends half time with Michael and me. Michael and my son get along well. My son seems to be doing well socially and scholastically.

The problem began almost immediately upon Michael’s entry into his position. One of his direct-report employees, who attends my prior church, quit without notice and took the business of two major clients. Through careful planning and very hard work Michael regained their business. But it took two years. My prior employee subsequently lost his job. His family is hurting. So now we have tensions running high both personally, within our family, and professionally, among my employees.

I love my partner. Kind and forgiving, he wants to hire back this former employee, and put him in charge of some major accounts. He says it is best for both our family and my business to make peace. My concern is that this action will be construed as giving in to negative pressure rather than recognized as a positive gesture initiated by Michael.

Other concerns include the influence of this man on both my business and my relationship with Michael. I just want all these problems to resolve so we live happy lives. I disagree with you sometimes. But I like your ideas, Dale. Where would you weigh in on this issue? –Roger from Los Angeles via e-mail

Dear Roger: I like your partner’s intentions; may they serve everyone well. Occasionally we run across a “crazy,” and need to contain them. And occasionally, very good people do crazy things. You and your partner can put it all into context, and make the right choice. You two are very lucky to enjoy your personal and work lives together. Congratulations on your commitment to each other, and may you always value love highest.

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