October 2000

Dear Dale: My partner and I want a commitment ceremony. Do you have a list of clergy that perform same-gender marriages? -- Jordan in Belmont via e-mail

Dear Jordan: All Our Families Coalition is a non-profit organization that promotes the civil rights and well-being of families with lesbian, gay, transgender, and bisexual members. Among their accomplishments is a list of hundreds of Greater Bay Area clergy that not only perform gay marriages but also treat us equally in every other way. The list is far too long to print in my column. But here is AOFC's contact information:

Cheryl Deaner
Executive Director
All Our Families Coalition
870 Market Street, #421
San Francisco CA 94102
415.681.1960

AOFC collects and distributes information related to most gay family matters.

Dear Dale: I've been dating my boyfriend three months. He is thoughtful. He gave me a hanging wire basket for my kitchen on our one-month anniversary. He gave me roses on our two- and three-month anniversaries. It just occurred to me that I might be leading him on. I have not fallen in love with him yet. I care for him, and don't want to stop seeing him. How do you think I should handle the situation? -- Anonymous via email

Dear Anonymous: Talk with him and tell him how you feel just as you have written it. People perceive feelings of love at very different rates of speed. It takes some individuals months or even years to fall in love. Others claim to know at first glance. There are no right or wrong answers.

Dear Dale: I am a Chilean émigré to the US. There, we never heard about monogamous relationships between gay people. This has always been the kind of relationship I have wanted. Thank you for giving me hope. Maybe this value is common in the US. I hope so. -- Rafael in Menlo Park via e-mail

Dear Rafael: Establish the values you need your partner to share. Give yourself a reasonable time-line in years rather than months to find and bond with the right partner. And then set out living your life well while also investing reasonable resources into your search. But don't put your life on hold in the meantime. The art of matchmaking hums when its participants are happy on their own first.

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