October 2003
Dear Dale: I have a sexual fetish that doesn’t hurt anybody, but it has been considered "weird" by practically every man that I have been interested in. Feet are a turn on for me. I have pretty much accepted my sexual interest up to this point in my life. But I have just come out of an experience that has made me consider going into therapy (if it can help).
I met a guy at the gym because we always go there early on weekdays. We started talking, and made plans to go out on a date after several months of socializing at the gym. The first date was great. We went to a birthday dinner over at his friend’s house. It was our second date that made me come face to face with my issue.
He came over for dinner, and we started making love afterwards. I like to give massages, especially to feet. When I got his sox off I discovered the ugliest feet I have ever seen. They look like they got bound or something like a Geisha’s feet. It was such a turn off for me that I had to make an excuse that I was not feeling well to get him to leave.
The reason I feel so bad about this is because he is really nice, smart and gorgeous in every other way. My best friend tells me I need to get over my fetish before I can relate with a "whole person," and really fall in love. But I have loved men even though they have not loved me back. I don’t know where to turn, or whether there is any kind of therapy that specializes in my problem. Do you? –Stepped On In Benicia via e-mail
Dear Stepped On: I am not a therapist, and do not know one in your area. I recommend that you go to www.gaylesta.org, which is the website for gay therapists in the Greater Bay Area.
If your interest in feet is only one among other more common sexual behaviors that please you, then I envision you finding a suitable match. If your fetish precludes other more common sexual behaviors, then you likely need to pick a partner who shares your interest. Or, perhaps, therapy can help you expand your repertoire. I wish you all the happiness in the world.
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