September 2001

Dear Dale: I am 36 years old, and have never had a problem meeting men. Maybe I am just really picky. Or maybe I thought my career and friends were enough. But March ?01 I met this guy through a personal ad, and, seriously, felt weak-kneed the first moment I laid eyes on him. We had four blissful months together, then he dumped me for his boss, a guy 23 years older. I wonder if there?s truthfully any chance for gay partners to go the distance.

Unfortunately, given how I used to not mind being single, I see it in a new lonely light now. Love used to be something I was suspicious of. Now I just feel it creates a vacuum that might never get filled again. Frankly, it stinks.

I?ve read your column for years, like a spy or outsider. Now that I know how powerful love?s spell is, I realize you?ve got your work cut out for you, Dale. Don?t get people?s hopes up too high with all this love drivel, which I started buying into. Sometimes reality contradicts your tremendous expectations. -- Left dangling, Doug in Santa Cruz via e-mail

Dear Doug: That ?weak-kneed? feeling is chemistry, which can get you into some painful situations before you find your right match. You imply that it is easier to become hardened than remain vulnerable. You are correct. Unfortunately, the easy way is not usually the right one.

Dear Dale: Last October I wrote you about my concern that I was leading on this man I was dating, Tom, because I hadn?t fallen in love with him after three months of dating. You advised me to level with him about my feelings, and said that I shouldn?t worry because people fall in love ?at very different rates of speed.?

I felt relieved after I talked with Tom. He was understanding, and started giving me a little more space. What a sweet, sexy guy he?s turned out to be, Dale. We?re moving in together this September. Thanks for the good advice. -- Stewart via email from San Jose

Dear Stewart: Good behavior produces good results. Congratulations.

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