September 2002

Dear Dale: I met a woman at The Patio last weekend. She is very successful career-wise. But I am only average in that way. She left me a message asking me out. But I feel completely inadequate. Should I even pursue this one, or wait until I find someone that doesn’t intimidate me? -- Nadia in San Francisco via e-mail

Dear Nadia: She is pursuing you because you are of far higher value than any form of material success. Select a venue where you are comfortable, a neutral place like an art exhibit, and leave her a voice mail specifying days and times when you can meet her there. Talk with her about everything for which you are grateful, whatever puts a smile on your face and brings passion to your being. Be happy for her successes (as you are for your own), and ask her questions that help her shine in your presence (as you shine in hers). After your get-together, send me another e-mail, and we’ll take it from there.

Dear Dale: Last month one of your readers sang your praises for matching up a couple of guys that he met in Saratoga. This guy who wrote you was dying. I guess that’s why he was reminiscing about what his life could have been. All of a sudden, he thinks it’s okay to pay big bucks for a matchmaker to hook him up. I guess money goes further when you’ve got less time to live. People stress out over this stuff too much. Tons of other things make life more fun and predictable, like casual sex and money in the bank. You are fighting a losing battle if you think gay men are going to trade sexual pleasure and money for some obligation to monogamy. -- Jason D. in Saratoga via e-mail

Dear Jason: My reader observed that people’s lives are products of choices we make. So goes the spiritual order of the universe, "BE-DO-HAVE." If we choose to BE people who comprehend our highest values. And if we choose to DO what is necessary to declare and exercise our highest values. Then we HAVE lives that we value highly. It is this simple. You choose casual sex and money in the bank, which you value highly. I choose a life-partner and a matchmaking mission, which I value highly (as do my hundreds of clients). How can you infer that we are "obligated" to aspects of our lives that we have freely chosen?

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